Bird Brained

  I SAW WILLY WEED DUCK INTO THE AIRPORT MEN’S ROOM.

  In hot pursuit I shoved my way inside, where I was immediately confronted by a guy making good use of the urinal.

  “Hey, babe. Something I can help you with?” he asked, turning slightly to show off his wares.

  “Police business,” I growled, keeping my eyes straight ahead. Somehow, I didn’t think “Fish and Wildlife” would have the desired effect.

  My bathroom Lothario quickly tucked himself in, zipped up his fly and fled.

  Whoosh! A toilet roared. I checked under the row of doors and saw a pair of snakeskin boots in the end stall. Dropping to all fours, I saw Willy, intent as a bombardier on a mission, poised to drop five illegal parrot eggs into the toilet.

  Plonk! The eggs plopped one by one into the water as I squirmed under the stall door, cursing the staff for not cleaning more often. I reached the toilet just as it gulped all five eggs in a victorious flush.

  Willy smirked like a half-witted hyena. “Hey there, Agent Porter. What’s the matter? Don’t they allow you in the ladies’ room no more?”

  Other Books by Jessica Speart

  Gator Aide

  Tortoise Soup

  BIRD BRAINED

  A Rachel Porter Mystery

  JESSICA SPEART

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

  Copyright © 1999 Jessica Speart

  All rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information address Avon Books, Inc.

  Author photo by George Brenner

  Cover design by Pickle Group (http://www.picklegroup.com)

  eBook editions by eBooks by Barb for booknook.biz

  Published by the author

  Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 98-91012

  ISBN: 0-380-79290-7 (paperback)

  First Avon Twilight Printing: April 1999

  For my mother:

  If you don’t like it, don’t tell me!

  Many thanks to Jennifer English, a top notch special agent with the USFWS; Lennie Jones, whose passion for protecting wildlife is inspiring; Regina Cussell for sharing her knowledge of parrots; and Connie Hansen and Russell Peacock for their hospitality during my trips to Miami.

  And to George, who not only reads my manuscripts but puts up with the insanity.

  Contents

  Teaser

  Other Books by Jessica Speart

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Thanks

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  One

  The shine that emanated from Tony Carrera’s white patent leather shoes ricocheted off the walls of the dingy warehouse. I hadn’t planned on being at the cargo area of Miami International Airport on a Sunday night. Obviously Tony hadn’t counted on my presence, either.

  But I’d received a hot tip about a flight coming in from Brazil, and found myself with some time to kill. Besides, weekends at MIA are notorious. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife office is closed, so it’s the perfect occasion to smuggle unlucky members of the animal kingdom in and out of Miami.

  “For chrissakes, Porter! The shipment’s already been cleared. What the hell else do you want?” Carrera fumed.

  An exotic-animal dealer famous for trying to beat the system, Carrera had somehow finagled clearance on the paperwork for his reptile shipment sight unseen, days before it even arrived. His plan had been to sneak out of the warehouse after collecting his cargo. My surprise appearance had effectively screwed up his scheme.

  “What I want is to open the boxes so that I can check what’s inside,” I calmly informed him.

  “I don’t got time for this crap,” Carrera grumbled, chewing on the soggy remnants of a stogie. “Take a look at me, will ya?” He pushed out his chest as he gestured toward his apparel. “I’m not all dressed up for my health, ya know. I got a hot date right after I drop off these goods. Nice, huh?”

  Carrera was the proud owner of a bad toupee which clung to his head like a poodle trying to keep its balance atop a bowling ball. Tonight he was decked out to kill in a pair of white polyester pants that highlighted his huge belly. A short-sleeved paisley shirt of 100 percent nylon lay wide open, revealing a heavy gold chain nestled against a dark mat of fur, with additional chunks of jewelry adorning his wrists and his fingers. It was apparent that Tom Jones had little to worry about.

  “After she catches a glimpse of you, I’m sure your date won’t mind waiting the few extra minutes,” I assured him.

  Tony threw up his hands in frustration as I studied the documentation on the box before me. The paperwork listed its contents as “venomous snakes.” Great—now I understood why it had been given clearance. Nobody liked to risk life and limb to examine a bunch of writhing, poisonous reptiles. Least of all, me. But I also knew that was exactly what dealers like Carrera counted on, which made it the perfect scam for sneaking wildlife and even drugs into the country. It’s also one of the reasons why fewer than 10 percent of smuggled critters are ever caught. I was looking to up the ante.

  I pried a crowbar under the wooden lip of the first crate, and the lid gave way with a creak. Then I picked up a snake hook and gloves. But Tony beat me to the punch, pulling a short-handled pair of tongs from inside his case.

  “Oh, for chrissakes, Porter. These things are in bags. What the hell are you afraid of?” He pushed open the top and shoved his hand deep inside the crate, where he grabbed hold of a blue cloth bag.

  A movement beneath the fabric caught my eye. “Tony, watch out! I think there’s something loose on the bottom!”

  Carrera twisted his head up toward me with a lewd grin. “All you chicks have the same problem with snakes—and I’ve finally figured out what it is. They’re long and they’re hard… but they won’t buy you dinner.”

  As Tony broke into raucous laughter, I saw a pair of lidless eyes that gazed coldly up toward the light from deep within the dark wooden confines. A shiver sped through me, but faster than I could speak, a king cobra sprang up, revitalized by the rush of fresh air, the skin on its neck flaring out in a regal hood. Carrera’s laugh abruptly caught in his throat as he zoomed in on my expression, his brain already guessing what had risen behind him. The snake’s bronze eyes focused on its prey as a thin layer of sweat broke out on Carrera’s skin.

  “Oh, God,” he whispered, his eyes beseechingly locked onto mine.

  “Listen to me, Tony. I’ll angle around and grab the snake with the hook. Just don’t turn and look,” I cautioned in a soft, even tone.

  “No! Don’t go anywhere. It’ll strike!” Tony’s voice was high and tight and his face was paler than his pants.

  “Okay, Tony,” I tried to calm him. “I’m going to very slowly get my gun. This will all be over in less than a minute.”

  “Don’t you dare!” Carrera hissed, a drop of sweat slipping between his lips. “This thing cost me big time. Besides, I already got it sold. Shoot it and I’ll sue you.”

  I stared at the man, wondering
what other deadly goodies he had hidden in his crates and what he felt they were worth.

  “All right,” I said, working to keep my cool. “Then just move away slowly. Don’t jerk and you’ll be fine.”

  But Carrera could no longer restrain himself and swiveled around to confront the snake, which swayed in mesmerizing fashion.

  “Oh, shit!” he shrieked.

  My hand raced for my gun, but the cobra was faster. Lunging forward, it sank its fangs into Tony’s forearm as he screamed. Just as quickly, the snake relinquished its hold with a quiver of victory. Tony jerked away and I slammed down the lid, locking the cobra back in its lair.

  The critter must have packed quite a wallop. Within sixty seconds Carrera was down on the floor, jerking like a fish pulled out of water. Cobras are neurotoxic, so it was only a matter of time before Carrera’s central nervous system began to shut down. He was already losing muscle coordination and his breathing had turned ragged and slow. I had to get him to Jackson Memorial as quickly as possible.

  A cargo worker made me swear on my life, my mother’s, and those of my unborn children, that the snake couldn’t get out of its crate before he could be persuaded to come down off his forklift to help. That ate up precious minutes. By the time we’d half-carried, half-dragged Carrera into the back of my Ford Tempo, swelling had already begun to set in. I quickly pulled off his rings and bracelets before it was too late.

  “Yuur nuffin’ budda thif,” Carrera moaned.

  Slurred speech. Bad sign.

  “You’ll get it all back, Tony,” I consoled him. “I just don’t want you rupturing any body parts in my car.”

  I tore out of the cargo area, grateful that traffic was relatively light on Sunday nights. Any other time and Tony would have been down for the count. Swinging onto the Dolphin Expressway, I dragged out my cell phone and punched in the number for Dr. Bob Samuels.

  I’d met Dr. Bob soon after I’d landed in Miami. Recurring headaches and nausea had sent me galloping to Jackson Memorial Hospital. I figured it was either side effects from my last assignment in southern Nevada, or I was pregnant. Neither prospect was thrilling. Dr. Bob ran a battery of tests, cost me a minor fortune, and told me to stay away from places that cause you to glow in the dark. We’d been friends ever since.

  I filled Dr. Bob in on his latest patient. I only hoped the hospital was stocked with the appropriate antivenin.

  “What’s your estimated time of arrival?” he asked.

  I surveyed the growing traffic that had mysteriously congregated before me and then glanced in my rearview mirror. Tony had begun to drool like a slap-happy Saint Bernard.

  “That depends on how much my driving scares everyone else off the road.”

  Dr. Bob chuckled. “That should be no problem for you, Rachel. I’ll expect to see you shortly.”

  Miami traffic is a melting pot of the craziest drivers in the world, from confused tourists to geriatric seniors to immigrants with their own rules of the road. I veered onto the shoulder, slammed my hand on the horn in lieu of a siren, and pressed down hard on the pedal until we were flying at warp speed, counting on convincing the other drivers that the lunatic barreling along the side of the expressway was too demented for them to even attempt to challenge. A few hardy souls went so far as to cheer me on. When I pulled up in front of the emergency room, Dr. Bob was ready and waiting.

  By the time we slid him out of my car and onto a stretcher, Carrera’s arm was the size of a championship watermelon. His uneven breathing had stopped, as had his drooling—though a memorial pool lay on the floor of my car.

  I ran ahead with Dr. Bob, leaving Tony’s bloated carcass to be rolled inside by strangers.

  “Is he still alive?” I asked, wondering if I’d risked life and limb only for Tony to die thinking I’d stolen his jewelry.

  Dr. Bob scratched the wispy whiskers on his chin that he insisted were a beard. “It may seem he’s not breathing, but your guy is alive, all right. He can hear everything that’s being said. He just can’t respond.”

  Tony lay stiff as a day-old corpse, his eyes wide open. “Are you certain he isn’t dead?”

  “If someone’s received a bad bite and I’m not totally sure they’re still alive, I ask them to move their eyes. But trust me, this guy is fine.” Dr. Bob’s rail-thin body moved briskly down the hall like a greyhound in training, and ushered the stretcher into a small room where he readied an IV. “If you want, you can wait in here with your friend while I get the necessary supplies.”

  “What! I thought you’d have the antivenin ready and waiting!”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be back in plenty of time,” Dr. Bob assured me.

  I walked over to the stretcher and looked down at Carrera. Not a muscle moved. I felt for his pulse—it was barely there.

  “God, Tony! Why didn’t you just let me inspect the shipment properly? If you weren’t always trying to smuggle things in, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

  I’d been after Carrera for the past six months, since I’d arrived in Miami. But Tony knew how to play the game too well, and had eluded me every time. This wasn’t the way I’d have chosen to catch him. Then again, perhaps this brush with death would make him mend his ways.

  “You know, Tony,” I told him, “maybe you should give some thought to what you’ve been doing and start showing more respect for wildlife and the law. Otherwise, tonight’s surprise inspection was just the beginning of what you can expect. I’m going to make certain that from now on, your shipments are never cleared ahead of time. I swear, Tony, I’ll do whatever I have to, to nail you.”

  His face was now ashen and drawn. I touched his pulse for reassurance, and panic bells went off in my head as my fingers left his wrist and then rushed to his neck. Tony’s pulse had gone from barely there to absolutely nothing.

  Oh, no! “Please don’t tell me you’re dead! Come on, Tony, you can make it. Hang in there!” I grabbed his hand. “Move your eyes, Tony—even a little bit, to let me know you’re still here.”

  If Carrera had been auditioning for the role of a zombie, he’d have won the part hands down.

  “Oh, my God—he’s dead! If only there’d been no traffic—if only I’d driven faster!” Then I started to get mad. “How could you be such a damn idiot? What the hell were you thinking, with your macho games with poisonous snakes? Was it worth it, Carrera? You made me crazy, but I didn’t want you to die!”

  Dr. Bob chose this moment to reappear with vials of anti-venin in his arms.

  “It’s too late. I finished him off!” I wailed.

  “What are you talking about, Porter? He was fine just a minute ago. Exactly what did you do?” he questioned.

  “I was only talking to him, trying to show him the error of his ways. But I think I may have given him a heart attack!”

  Dr. Bob rolled his eyes. “Remind me to keep you away from my other patients.”

  “His pulse is gone—and your sure-fire method of checking a victim’s eyes? Carrera can’t move them,” I said frantically.

  “Then what would you call that?” he asked calmly.

  In amazement, I followed his finger to where a tear was creeping out of the corner of Carrera’s right eye.

  I watched as Dr. Bob readied the antivenin and stuck the needle in Carrera’s arm. My pulse pounded hard enough to revive a corpse as I waited in silence, barely daring to breathe until Tony began to come to. He opened his eyes and slowly rolled his head, stopping when I came into view. His tongue snaked out from between his lips, and he carefully worked his jaw. Finally he opened his mouth, doubtless to share some pearls of wisdom from his near brush with death.

  “Goddamn you, Porter,” he croaked.

  A bubble of relief traveled up from my toes and settled in my chest, and I could feel a giddy grin spread across my face like butter hitting a piece of toast.

  At least this job is never dull.

  I wriggled my way back into the conga line of traffic heading toward the airport.
Rush hour in Las Vegas, my previous posting, had been a breeze compared to this. I hadn’t asked to leave Nevada. The “powers that be” had decided I’d gone beyond making waves to a full tsunami, and my assignment to the “black hole” of Miami was considered the ultimate punishment.

  “You’ll see plenty of action,” were my former boss’s parting words. “Miami’s a hotbed. There are not only more legal wildlife dealers per square mile in Miami than anywhere else in the world, it’s also the center of the illegal live-animal trade in the entire U.S.”

  When you consider that the illegal-wildlife trade runs second only to drug smuggling, and that much of the merchandise for both comes from Latin America, you can see why Miami had become the smugglers’ port of choice. Miami had the added distinction of having the worst wildlife law-enforcement record in the country. Careers weren’t made here; they were destroyed.

  There had been whispers that in the past, Fish and Wildlife agents and inspectors had been paid off by dealers to look the other way as shipments came in. It wouldn’t have been hard to do. In a perfect world, every box and crate would have been opened and thoroughly checked. But more than 300 shipments of wildlife come in here every week, each shipment running anywhere up to 200 boxes. Stack that against six measly inspectors and you begin to get an idea of the odds. If you liked being a Fish and Wildlife inspector, every day could be considered Christmas in Miami.

  I got into the airport just as the flight from Brazil finally landed. Miami International goes through a remarkable transformation with the setting of the subtropical sun. During the day, the terminal bustles with wholesome-looking families intent on enjoying a fun-filled vacation. With nightfall, Mom and Dad and the brood are replaced by a cast of characters straight out of a Fellini flick. It’s Disneyland one minute and then Satyricon until dawn.